Dear Dana is an advice column especially for teens in the Monadnock Region.  The column gives teens a person to ask the questions they cannot ask others.  Dear Dana provides down-to-earth advice in order to help teens in the Monadnock Region.

Q:  I am 13 years old and everyone at school seems to have every new thing that comes out like clothes, IPods, backpacks, or cool hair. My family doesn’t have a lot of extra money to spend on things, and sometimes I feel like I’m not as cool as other kids are because I don’t have the “cool” stuff. What do I do?

A:  First, let me say that I know it is hard to not fit in by not having the things everyone has. However, having the “cool” stuff is not what is important in life. It’s what’s inside that counts. If you are a friendly person, people will like you no matter what. Now, having said all of that, if you actually like the stuff that other kids have and you cannot afford them, you could always try to get a small job, like a newspaper route or babysitting. That way you will have a bit of money to spend on clothing and music. Just remember that what you wear does not make the person you are.
 

Q:  I am 14 and have just moved to a new school. It has been difficult for me to make friends, and I am having trouble adjusting to the new school in general. How can I make friends?

A:  Hello! Making ANY changes in life is difficult. At the age of 14, everything is changing in your life as is, so moving to a new location and attending a new school can be very hard. Once you spend some time there, you will get use to it, and start meeting new people. 

Making friends and fitting in is something that you can do, but will take a bit of time. I would suggest getting involved in as many activities, clubs, sports, and meetings as you possibly can. This will encourage you to meet new people and enjoy things you like.
 

Q: I am 14, and my friend is moving to San Antonio and she was my only friend this year. It is hard for me to make friends. What are some things I can do to not be so shy?

A: I am so sorry your friend is moving! At any age, losing a friend to a move is very hard. I am sure your friend was friends with you for many reasons. She thought you were fun, kind, caring, etc. The very things that your friend saw in you; are the things that will help you get new friends.

Overcoming shyness takes time and effort, but can be done! It’s all about confidence. You need to have confidence in yourself and be yourself. True friends will like you just the way you are. Try joining a club at school, or a sports team. In order to meet friends, you will probably have to be a bit bold and go for it. Once you find an activity you enjoy, it will be easy finding someone else that enjoys it too. That’s where friendship can start.
 

Q: I am a fifteen year old girl who was invited to a coed sleepover at my friend’s house. My mom knows and trusts the parents where the sleepover is happening. A lot of my friends are going, but she doesn’t want me to go. What should I do?

A: First of all, you have some proving to do with your mom if you really want to go to this party. You need to make her feel comfortable about the situation. If you truly know it is going to be a simple sleepover; maybe a movie or three, popcorn, soda, lots of talking and yelling and staying up REALLY late, encourage her to contact the parents hosting the party and confirm that they will be checking in on all of you throughout the night. Let your mom know that she is welcome to call the parents to check on how things are going.

As we all know, parents sometimes feel they cannot just go by what comes out of their teen’s mouth…so don’t take it personally. She is being protective because she LOVES you, not because she wants to make your life miserable. Consider yourself lucky to have such a loving mother. Your mom might be worried that there will be drugs, alcohol, sexual activity, or fighting at this party. Remember, this is not the time to experiment with drugs and alcohol. This is a time to open up the trust you have with your mom. If she lets you go to this party, she will let you go to other parties by proving to her that she can trust you. If you make a wrong choice at the party, you may lose her trust.

Maybe it is possible for you to go to the party for part of the night and come home at a certain time. That might be an option where you and your mom can find common ground. If you still cannot get your mom’s permission to go to this party, I would just try to understand that she is protecting you, so most likely the party is not a safe place for you to be. Trust her!